Following on from the pointless statement of Emile Heskey retiring from International football when he was never likely to play again anyway. After much consideration i would like to announce my retirement from International football.

It is with regret i must face up to the fact i will never represent England at football. In the tradition of players who were never likely to play for their country again (Andy Cole, Jamie Carragher, Emile Heskey to name but three)

i am here by retiring from International football. I would like to thank all of my family and friends, my cats, the tropical fish, the hamsters and pets i had as a child, Earthtone9, and everyone else i have ever met that i am too lazy to type the names of on this list.

By Steve Jarvis